Monday, November 12, 2007

Happy Birthday Jayden

It is crazy to think today we would be celebrating Jayden's 9th birthday. My, how life has changed during these 9 years. I actually had a dream about her a few nights ago, which hasn't happened for a very long time. I dreamt I was holding her out in front of me bouncing her up and down and then throwing her in the air. She would hold her breath when I would toss her up, and then giggle when I caught her in my arms. She was still a baby... just like she was the last time I saw her. It was a good dream. Nice to see her again! I have missed her so much.

It is strange how time eases the hurt of her loss. Something I am grateful for, but sometimes I feel guilty that I can't remember her much anymore. She has been on my mind a lot lately. My dad is in the process of gathering information for a new book he is writing. The book will have many events of the day she died. In the process of gathering up this information, he has asked several people for information about her who were in our lives at that time. Many people have expressed their feelings of that week. I have found this quiet interesting and comforting. Many people were feeling a lot of the same feelings I was feeling. My family has been blessed by having such amazing people in our lives. Thank you all for being a great support through my life, and the life of my family!

Today, I want to celebrate her life, and the impact she made on me the short time I was able to be with her. Conner was only 15 months old when she was born. Jayden loved her big brother. Conner loved to blow on her tummy.... and she would kick her little legs and wiggle her arms with excitement when he would do that to her. She thought it was so funny. Jayden liked to be held with her back against your stomach so she could be facing outward. She loved to see what the world was like. I often wonder if she knew her time on earth would be short, so she wanted to take in as much as she could. She didn't have much hair, but the little she had was red, with a little puggy nose. She was so beautiful. I used to call her, my Jaydee baby. She had a cute little giggle. She blessed our lives in the short time she was with us. She taught me patience and to remember how short life can be. To cherish those little moments, for it is those little moments that mean the most.


Silver Back said...

Babe, I love hearing your thoughts on Jayden. I am always sorry I never got to meet her, and I love getting to know her through your memories. I want to celebrate her life too. I am sure she smiles at the incredible woman her mom is, and the life you have built.

melanie said...

I just want you to know that I am thinking of you today. I remember a little about Jayden. It makes me smilt to hear these memories of her. I am so glad we are family. I love you Amy!!

Lori Buhr said...

Thank you for your post. I have never lost a child and I can't imagine how that would feel. I remember how worried I was about you and especially after your miscarriage, but you've made it through that and so much more. I am happy that time has softened your pain. Life is good and you are wonderful. Keep your memories alive. You'll have her again.

Grams said...


I love you lots. Our lives would not be complete without you and the boys. Thanks for sharing your tender thoughts about Jayden. You are an amazing person and such a blessing in Niel's life.

Emily said...

Its amazing the strong feelings I have after reading that! Amy, you really are a strong person. Thank you for your example.